Stumped

Stumped
By A.J. Russo

What if we chose our next President based on how well he or she could motivate a team before the big game? Here are portions of actual stump speeches (altered to fit the circumstance and maintain anonymity) given by, Barach Obama, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton, at various locations, sometime in early February, 2008. Who’s the better motivator? Can you tell which speech belongs to which candidate? Answers below.

Candidate 1

One of the main reasons I decided to coach is because I will not stand by and see our team break faith – that we would leave this team worse off than when we found it.
There is no guarantee that we will remain a great team. It’s up to each of us in our own way, in our own time, to make the contributions, to set the goals and achieve them. Our opponent will not play with the same commitment as us.

This triggers a round of locker helmet banging.

I do not believe we should be just any team who will not stand here today, tomorrow, or any day, who will not explicitly support this game.

There will be no guesswork – I’m not asking you to take a leap of faith – I’m asking you to follow me to do the hardest job in the entire world.

Sparking chants of “Coach! Coach!” from the players.

We need a doer, we need a fighter, and we need a champion.
What we have to do together is to seize this moment and give each and every one of us a role to play.

Candidate 2

I looked outside and saw some young boys tossing balls at a boarded-up apartment building across the street. They were like boys in so many cities across the country – boys without prospects, without guidance, without hope. And I turned to the other coaches, and I asked them, “Before you quit, I want you to answer one question. What will happen to those boys?” And the other coaches looked out that window, and they decided that night to keep going – to keep organizing, keep fighting for a better team. And so did I. And slowly, but surely, in the weeks and months to come, the community began to change.
You see, the challenges we face will not be solved with one game in one night. Change will not come if we wait for some other team or some other time.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. We are the hope of those boys who have little; who’ve been told that they cannot have what they dream; that they cannot be what they imagine.
Yes they can.

Candidate 3

I know I have a responsibility, if I am, as I hope to be, the head coach of this team, to unite us and prepare for this great contest. And I am acutely aware that I cannot succeed in that endeavor, nor can our team prevail over the challenge we will face, without the support of dedicated players, whose convictions, creativity and energy have been indispensable to the success our team. Many of you have disagreed strongly with some positions I have taken in recent years. I understand that. I might not agree with it, but I respect it for the principled position it is. And it is my sincere hope that even if you believe I have occasionally erred in my reasoning as a coach, you will still allow that I have, in many ways important to all of us, maintained a successful record. Further, I hope you will grant that I have defended many positions we share just as ardently as I have made my case for positions that have provoked your opposition. If not, thank you for this opportunity to make my case today.

Often games are fought within the margins of small differences. This one will not be. We are playing for hugely consequential things. This game is going to be about big things, not small things. And I intend to fight as hard as I can to ensure that our team prevails.

Who would you like to play for?

Answers: Candidate 1 – Clinton; 2 – Obama; 3 – McCain

~ by outsidethegame on March 19, 2008.